Harriet Gracie
What should we name her?
‘Buttercup’ is pretty cute
Oh. She is a boy
A ‘Felis catus’
What a weird name for a cat
But it is your name
It is cold tonight
The cat has climbed on the bed
I’m glad you are here
You run in the house
Sometimes I want you to stop
It still makes me smile
“I want to go out”
Fine, go out you silly cat
“I want to come in”
There’s fur everywhere
It’s even in the bathroom
Please, stop the shedding
You want food again?
You ate ten minutes ago
Obesity looms
Your meow is so strange
It is in essence a squeak
Are you not a cat?
Hey! What was that sound?
Are you clawing the carpet?
Use the scratching post
Holding you is nice
Although you are so heavy.
Could you lose some weight?
Please, cat, have mercy
I have red marks up my arms
Put your claws away
He watches me work
He jumps right on my keyboard
Hey! Don’t lie down there!
Incessant licking
You clean your body all day
Why do you still stink?
Please, take all the room
I’ll just cling to the mattress
Not like it’s my bed
Get that cat to stop
it is two in the morning
Someone put him out
My bladder is full
Does this damn cat even care?
Dear God don’t stand there
I'm in the shower
I thought cats hated wet feet
Why are you in here?
He has his eyes closed
Is the cat dead or asleep?
I better go check
What's that awful smell?
Gross, it's the litter boxes
Who will clean them up?
There's hair all over
And I'm wearing a black dress.
I hate having cats
Don't you dare eat that
Stop eating the broccoli!
Don't cats just eat meat?
When we are asleep,
They go into the kitchen
And eat the butter.
There are mice downstairs,
Why don't you hunt those rodents?
Stop bringing more in.
What are you doing?
Those curtains cost a fortune.
I should have bought blinds.
Abby hissed at me.
She says she’s also a cat.
“Now write me haikus!”
Whose footprints are those?
The floor is covered in mud!
Get back outside, you.
Here, kitty kitty,
I need to trim your toenails.
Ouch! That was not nice.
Uncomfortable?
Don't you like my affection?
Let me hug you more.
You need to swallow
That pill is for your own good.
The worms aren't my fault
You look quite guilty
Is that a hairball I see?
I can't believe you.
When I am crying,
You are there to lick my tears.
You make it better.
When I feel alone,
You rub me with your cat face.
Cats are nice to hug.
Your head is so small,
But your body is so round.
Do you even lift?
When you stare at me,
You look like the Cheshire cat.
So am I Alice?
When I feel aggressed,
It’s because you are watching.
You with your cat eyes.
I hear you from here
You’re almost always purring
I’m glad you’re happy
I use to have a cat and I can relate to many of these, they were very funny! it would be a fun challenge to make a plot within the haikus. Good job
ReplyDeleteLove how you refer to all the weird things that cats do. My friend's cats are just like yours. Try doing a few about dogs, that would be funny. :) Love it!
ReplyDeleteThis is totally hilarious! I cried of laughter. I don't know how you managed to write so many haikus and make them all entirely hilarious. You would think that eventually one would get bored, but no. You are brilliant. I would love to see you integrate cats into everything ever.
ReplyDeleteHarriet, all of your haikus made me smile and laugh. The best thing about these haikus is that they are all definitely true and made me immediately think of my cats. Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteI've never been a fan of poetry but your cat haikus are hilarious. I was laughing throughout your presentation and I still laugh whenever I read them again. They were all unique and very entertaining. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteI've never been a fan of poetry but your cat haikus are hilarious. I was laughing throughout your presentation and I still laugh whenever I read them again. They were all unique and very entertaining. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteAs the majority has already said these were so funny I enjoyed them a lot. Your structure was really good, and you read them extremely well in front of the class. You hit the nail on the head with this one. Awesome job.
ReplyDeleteMany of your haiku's were, as my fellow classmates expressed, hilarious. I felt you really captured the personality of cats. One thing I would point out is that there are select few of the haiku's that lacked creativity and seemed to be there only to reach the required word count. Those haiku's took away from the others. Next time assure that you spend time making every part as intriguing and amusing as the rest. Overall great job!
ReplyDelete"You want food again?
ReplyDeleteYou ate ten minutes ago
Obesity looms"
My god, these descriptions are spot on. The way you covered so many of the quirks that make those balls of fur so endearing was creative, humorous, and true to the form. It's nice to see so many of these use the traditional imagery style of Haiku's on top of just using the 5 7 5 syllable scheme.
Oh my gosh Harriet, you have so much talent that you make something that most people are accustomed to, like cats, absolutely hilarious! Great job, can't wait for your next one!
ReplyDeleteHow do you Haiku, my god. That was so entertaining to listen to, I could not stop laughing! I loved how each flowed into the next in one way or another and the strange imagery, such as Abby being a cat. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThe simplicity of this is completely out shined gives foundation to the lively stories that are retold. You make having cats so exciting, I wouldn't even think about observing half of that. But it pretty much sums of the experience of being a cat owner but in a such a humorous and uniquely quirky manner. One of my favourites!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Clare, the simplicity was what made this really shine. I don't have a cat, but I'm sure they would sound like this. Very funny at times and really engaging. Hope to hear more great stuff from you in the future.
ReplyDelete-Andrew H